


The Universe is a Crazy Place

by agressivePushover



Category: South Park
Genre: Alien Tweek, M/M, Space AU, Spaceman Craig, fluffs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-24
Updated: 2016-04-27
Packaged: 2018-06-04 07:09:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6647443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agressivePushover/pseuds/agressivePushover
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Craig is just a run-of-the mill recon officer from the Interplanetary Space Station trying to gather information on a new planet. Everything is going the same as most of his missions until he runs into a very peculiar little alien.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Meeting

Craig touched down on yet another planet. It was just a routine inspection, just like every day. Take a look around, search for any signs of life, mark them down, and go home to the space station. There wasn’t usually much around, just some plants, maybe a little critter, but that suited him just fine. Nice and boring; just how he liked it.

This planet, though… The minute he stepped off his ship, he could tell this one was different. There were… smallish structures that reminded him of shacks all around, and the plants looked kinda cultured. Almost like they were in these little gardens, but… More spread out.

Suddenly, he saw a figure bolt off between hiding spots. What?

He frowned and stepped out a little more, into the light of their red sun. “Hey… Anybody out there? I, um… I come in peace.” He had always wanted to say that.

The same figure peeks out from their hiding place. He could see crazy blonde fluff (which he assumed was at least similar to hair) and these cute antennas with little frizzy puffs at the end. His skin was kinda greenish, and his eyes were a really crazy mess of colors.

Fuck, no one had told him aliens could be cute.

The alien stepped out, seeming really spooked despite Craig’s words. The two of them probably didn’t speak the same language… Luckily for him, his trusty helmet could decode any form of communication this guy might have! He clicked it on and waited for the alien to speak.

Eventually, he did screech something at him, and it was quickly deciphered by Craig’s helmet. “WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?! YOU- YOU’RE AFTER ALL OUR FIRST BORN OR SOMETHING, RIGHT, YOU- ngh -YOU HAVE TO BE! INVADER!”

Craig flinched and frowned at him. Jeez, are all these aliens so small? This one’s at least a foot shorter than him. He meant, sure, he was pretty tall, but still. He’d just kinda started thinking all aliens were at least seven feet? The few species he’d ran into were all pretty tall… Something with the gravity of their respective planets… Anyways.

He guessed he was wrong?

Whatever, for now his priority was to calm this guy down. “Hey, hey, I do not want your babies, man. I’m just a human, from the Milky Way Galaxy, I do recon on other planets?” He put up his hands in the universal sign of peace.

The alien seemed to be calming down, but then, of course, Craig was not nearly that lucky. “I DON'T BELIEVE YOU!” The alien screeched. Before Craig could say anything else, the guy darted off. Fuck.

Well, that was definitely the weirdest interplanetary experience he’d had so far. He just hoped that not all aliens on this planet were that skittish… And, no matter how much he wanted to pretend he didn’t, he did have a small hope that he’d run into that cute little weirdo again.


	2. Intel

Tweek bolted through the town, screaming at people to get inside. “The invader, he’s- ack- he’s here, we have an invader, he’s after our blood, our BLOOD!” He ran all through his little village, only stopping when he reached his house. Jesus, he had to get inside he had to get inside now!

He opened the door and then locked the six locks behind him once he’d entered, eyes wide with fear. What was that thing?! It could speak his native tongue, how could it do that, not even the next village over could do that! It must have been some kind of… Some kind of high-tech robot monster, sent by the interplanetary something to kill everyone in his village, oh god, oh GOD, NO!

Alright, he needed to… to calm down. It was fine. He was fine, He got away and the thing wasn’t following him, everything was gonna be just fine…

He’d call a friend. Ask them to come over… Yeah.

Everything would be just fine.

\---

Craig Tucker frowned as he ventured into the little village-looking area. The houses were pretty big… He wondered why they were so big if the inhabitants of this planet were all that small. Maybe there were a lot of them that shared the houses..?

Then, he saw them.

There was a small group of these… Gargantuan beings… Jeez, was that little guy just a younger alien or something? They must have been, because Craig had a hunch that the houses on this planet were big for a reason.

He frowned and walked up to the group. They all had white-blonde hair, antennae, and neon green skin, just like the smaller alien, but there were several differences. They all had to be at least eight feet tall, their arms were rather lanky compared to their bodies, and… Well, their eyes were a far duller shade of Universe than the guy from before, though the things were just as big compared to their faces. Sometimes it’s hard to remember that not all species are strictly humanoid in shape. These guys were closer than most, though.

He coughed, and the aliens all stopped talking and glanced over. “Hello. My name is Craig Tucker. I am a human from the Milky Way Galaxy branch of the Interplanetary Space Station. I was sent here to document all the species on this planet.”

The one with the longest hair steps forward, their feet making a kind of suctiony noise. “Ah, right. Paranoia Prince was yelling about that. Well alright, ‘human’, do you need a picture or something? We were kind of in the middle of a conversation.” He frowned. Oh. “No need for a picture right now. Since you’re so busy, I guess I could come back around later, ask a few questions about your planet and culture. Sorry to bother you.” His voice might’ve be deadpan, but that didn’t mean his annoyance didn’t show through clear as day. He had a talent for that kinda thing.

The alien huffed and turned back to their friends without another word. Craig decided he didn’t mind too much. Maybe it’d be a good idea for him to track down that kid from earlier. He seemed more willing to give him the time of day than these assholes.


End file.
